Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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