can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
