i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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