Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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