just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
