I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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