Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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