hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
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You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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