Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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