oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
