i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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