you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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