whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
