He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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