Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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