Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
