he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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