Define "chronic" masturbator.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
