She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
