I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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