when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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