he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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