How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she peed on how many people?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
