I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
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Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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