i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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