He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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