HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
