i was born a porn star she said
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
