I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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