Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
