Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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