Buhtt sex?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
