If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
