Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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