You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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