good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
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