your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
