I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
