singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
