Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize