he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.