i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
