I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
