there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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