My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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