I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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