People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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