my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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