OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
