you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.