Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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