sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out