FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.