She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
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I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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