I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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