I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize