afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
