She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
