Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
