So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
NoShamevember. You game?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
