It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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