She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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