I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
