paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
