two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
