i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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