I hope mine doesn't look like that
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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